I was raised Catholic, and like many others from similar backgrounds, abortion was presented as a clear-cut issue. It was a capital NO. No gray areas. No questions. Case closed.
But life has a way of introducing nuance. Listening to others, gaining lived experiences, and reflecting on the world beyond our own upbringing forces us to confront things differently. This is not a post to change your beliefs, it is simply my honest reflection on how mine have evolved.
A Memory I Can’t Shake
One of the most defining chapters of my life was boarding school. Around 1999, while I was still in junior school, an incident occurred that I didn’t fully understand at the time, but it now haunts my adult self.
A student attempted an abortion on the lawn in Yellow House. She used a metal hanger.
There was a horrifying amount of blood. Fetal tissue. Blood in the showers. She had scaled a window during class hours, broken into the locked dorms, and attempted the abortion, possibly alone. She then stole sanitary pads from various suitcases to try and manage the bleeding.
When the dorms reopened after lunch, panic set in. The teachers and boarding mistresses were desperate to find the girl before she bled out. They assumed it had to be a senior student, but it wasn’t. It was a 14-year-old junior.
She was rushed to the hospital. We were told not to ask her questions later. She was protected, not expelled. At 12 or 13, I didn’t understand the gravity of what had happened. I didn’t how far that hanger had gone. But I remember the blood. I still do.
Life Experience Brings Clarity
Today, as a woman who has had:
- Pap smears
- An IUD
- Five pregnancies (including miscarriages, twins, and triplets)
- IVF treatments
…I have a much clearer understanding of the female body and just how traumatic and dangerous what she did was. I also understand the desperation that must have led her there.
Why was a 14-year-old pregnant? Who was responsible? Who gave her the idea to use a hanger?
Walking in Others’ Shoes
Before I ever speak against abortion, I must admit:
- I have never been raped.
- I have never been a pregnant child.
- I have never faced an unwanted pregnancy.
- I have never carried a baby with severe abnormalities.
- I have never had a pregnancy threaten my life.
When I found out I was carrying triplets, I knew even before the scan. I had carried a singleton and twins before, I felt the intensity right away. When my HCG came back sky-high, I was sure. The scan confirmed it.
The doctor strongly suggested a pregnancy reduction. But I couldn’t do it. After three painful miscarriages and the blessing of my twin girls, this triplet pregnancy was a miracle. A restoration. I chose to carry all three, and today, I am thankful every day when I look at my boys.
But I also know that my decision was made from a place of privilege, faith, and support. Not every woman has that. And nobody makes abortion decisions lightly.
Real-Life Stories, Real Pain
At university, I met a girl who had given birth at around age 14 after being raped by a domestic staff member. Her parents raised the child as her sibling so she could continue her education. She was self-conscious about her stretch marks. People whispered about her body. Eventually, a family friend told me the truth.
These stories are not rare. They are everywhere. Silenced. Hidden. Misunderstood.
Where I Stand Today
I believe in sex education. I believe in access to contraception. I believe in safe, informed choices.
But I also believe there must be strong emphasis on abstinence, especially for children. Schools and faith-based organizations have a major role to play in this. A lot of teenage pregnancies come from fellow teenagers, young people experimenting, unaware of the gravity of the consequences. Teaching them to wait, to understand their bodies, and to make intentional choices is just as important as providing contraceptives or legal options.
We need a balanced approach, one that teaches prevention, supports those in crisis, and protects the dignity and autonomy of every girl and woman.
Children shouldn’t be forced to have children.
Women shouldn’t be punished for their rape.
No one should die from a pregnancy they didn’t choose or can’t safely carry.
A woman should be able to decide if she can care for a very sick or dying child.
In countries where abortion is legal, there are often limits. Personally, I believe viability, around 24 weeks, should be the ethical line. Babies can survive from that point. I have been in NICU, I have held kids born that early and I watched them thrive with marvel. That feels like enough time to make such a critical decision. I know some will disagree, but I’m simply sharing where I am today.
Final Thoughts
This reflection isn’t about politics. It’s about humanity.
I am watching. I am listening. I am evolving.
And while I may write another post on abortion someday, for today I’ll say this loud and clear:
Abortion is a woman’s rights issue.
2 Responses
You know, I remember the Yellow House incident (thankfully from a distance, as I was in Red House). The tales and Chinese whispers surrounding it were wild, so it’s nice, more than 20 years later, to get a semblance of the actual story.
I echo the caveats you placed, and I’m with you on abstinence. Perhaps this is for a discussion on another day, but I worry that there is a lot of ‘liberty’ in the name of gentle parenting and self-actualisation that limits the ability of adults to keep their wards/children close and restrict the opportunity to experiment with sex. Of course, I am not referring to the violence children/teenagers could and do face from their peers or adults.
I also agree with you on abortion. It is a deeply personal choice, one that should be made with full acknowledgement and comprehension of the risks and effects (both immediate and long-term).
Thank you for reading along. I can imagine how busy you are right now.