Expat life has always intrigued me, the lifestyle, the travels, the cultural adaptability. There’s something captivating about people who live across borders, gathering pieces of the world into their daily lives.
Childhood Observations
I grew up in Enugu, Nigeria. Back then, there wasn’t a large expat community, but the few that lived among us organized what they called the Hash, a mini marathon that trailed through changing landscapes. My parents were active in it. After the run, there would be barbecues and beers. I was too young to care much, but I remember the energy.
Then we moved to Bonny Island, and I found myself in a whole new world. There were more expats now, mostly from the Netherlands, UK, and Australia. Cute family units with multilingual kids and well-traveled spouses. The women were elegant, often throwing themed parties, organizing community events, and talking proudly about their travels, homes, and hobbies. I watched from the sidelines, quietly admiring their lifestyle with curious eyes.
A Doctor and His Expat Circle
My dad was a doctor, compassionate, skilled, and deeply respected. When he first arrived on Bonny, many expats preferred the white expat doctor. There was this quiet belief that he would be better just by virtue of his race. But then came a turning point.
A child was seriously injured, and the family insisted on a medical evacuation to the Netherlands. My dad intervened and applied a cervical collar before the child was transported. When they got to the Netherlands, the doctors reportedly told the parents that the collar had saved the child, nothing more could have been done.
Years later, I met the mother of that child at a reunion. She told me this story herself and was quite emotional. After that, my dad became the go-to doctor, loved, trusted, and overbooked. His friendship with the expat community spilled over to us. Suddenly, I was being invited to pool hangouts, wine and cheese evenings, sports events, and barbecues. The expats threw the best parties on Bonny.
When the Curtain Dropped
As I got older, the rose-colored glasses came off.
Not every expat was happy. Some came as families; others left spouses behind, often for health, education, or safety. Some trailing spouses felt trapped, bored, or undervalued. Boredom morphed into shopping addictions, depression, or alcohol dependency. I saw marriages unravel, usually quietly… sometimes, not.
Infidelity was rampant. Interracial relationships, second marriages, secret vasectomies, affairs with coaches or domestic workers, it was a cocktail of beauty and chaos. One unforgettable scene involved a local woman dragging her Dutch husband back to a party to identify the lipstick mark on his beige trousers. She found the girl, and gave her a beating right there in front of everyone.
There were whispers about the Asian wives being controlling or obsessed with money. Later, I learned that many of them were second wives with prenups and zero claim to their husbands’ assets pre-marriage. So yes, they had to keep tabs.
It wasn’t all gloom, though. Some expat couples were steady, kind, married over 40 years. They mentored younger couples, tried to hold the community together, and modeled what stability could look like, even in transient lifestyles.
From Watching to Living
What I didn’t know then was how much these experiences were shaping me. Years later, when I became an expat myself, I leaned on those childhood lessons more than I realized.
For anyone considering the expat journey, here’s my honest advice: It can be a beautiful, rich, unforgettable life, but you must go in with your eyes wide open. Some countries will challenge you deeply. If you’re a trailing spouse, employment may not be possible. Running a business could be complicated. But you can study, volunteer, build something, create.
Protect your identity, nurture your passions, and never let your self-worth slip through your fingers.
And above all, talk about the money. Finances shouldn’t be taboo in marriage, and especially not in the expat world where legal structures can be different, and vulnerability can feel higher.
Expat life is equal parts discovery and disguise. The most important thing is to know who you are, wherever you are.
